That was the last day we spent together. Yesterday.
What to say now…
I broke up with Joey. It just wasn’t right. We just weren’t right. We haven’t been for a long time.
I’m fine. Joey’s not. If I’m in any sort of distress over this it’s because Joey is so hurt. I’ve never wanted to do that to him.
This has been a long time coming, and we both knew it, and while he was busy fighting it, I was busy accepting it. Maybe that’s the problem – I didn’t try hard enough. I don’t think so though. Who knows?
He loves me. He’s perfect. I do not really have anything unkind to say about him. He was the best boyfriend – completely selfless and loving and amazing. But being such a great guy doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for me.
You can’t fight your true feelings. Not for long anyway. And I was being dishonest for a large portion of this relationship, leading him on, I guess. I feel like a large part of why I’ve stayed so long is because I’ve known what a catch he is, and I’ve tried to force myself into appreciating it. I struggled with things, I broke his heart multiple times, I’ve been that girl. I’m not proud of it.
Ending this is the best thing I can do for all parties involved. He is fighting me tooth and nail. He was been for 3 days now.
Is this permanent? I don’t know. I think so. I’m pretty sure. I do love him, very much. I adore him, as do my girls. But I am not in love with him.
I hope he comes around and decides that he wants to be friends. As it stands right now he says that it’d be too hard for him, that he can’t handle it. That he loves me too much. *sigh*
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Listening to: Annuals – Sore
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
September 5, 2009 at 1:03 am
OH, Maria. I’m speechless. As if I even know anything about you guys and your personal relationship but…
Nonetheless you are much wiser than your words. Yet again. Being “in love” really in love is SO important.
I don’t know what to say. I want to say “I’m sorry,” but I’m not sure that’s appropriate. Just know I’m thinking about you.
Good for you. Do what makes you happy. Letting him go was better than lying to him and pretending you’re cheating both of you out of something genuine. And although he doesn’t know it now you did him a HUGE favor. You may never get a thank you for it but you know that I know that you know that well yea, it’s over.
You do what you need to do for you and the girls. Honesty always wins, for everyone involved. At least, I like to think so.
xoxo
September 6, 2009 at 2:28 am
Oh Maria. I’m so sorry. And also so proud of you. It’s so hard to do the “right” thing. xoxo
I went through this a few weeks ago. Almost the same exact thing. I know how hard it is to watch that person suffer, and know it’s your fault. I hope you’ll both be able to accept it, everything will be okay.
Things will get better, life will go on, and there will be other people. Stay true to yourself.
you hella got me. i saw the photos and though “oh, what a cute collage of photos” then when i read the text i was like “oh… :(”
sorry to hear that, but it’s good you did the right thing.
Aw sugar. It’s a shame that you’ve broken up, but I can see you feel that it’s for the best. I hope you’re doing ok.
I’m sorry. It seems like leaving when you still like each other is always harder than ending up hating the other person. I wish you both peace & happiness.
I still feel pain when I remember the break up I went through with my last boyfriend before Pat… He fought it tooth and nail, too. And though he was also a “great catch” and adored me, he just wasn’t the right guy for me…
I’m sorry it has to hurt so badly for him. And that his hurting hurts you. Give him time…
I thought from the title and pics you guys were engaged. Dang, that’s a shocker.
I’m happy that you can be honest with him over it all and sorry that he can’t understand it.
It’s a hard road and I hope you guys can be friends in the end.
September 10, 2009 at 9:49 am
Oh this is tough, but you’ve obviously thought this through, with your head and your heart, but I am sorry that someone has to get hurt in this. You’re right, when someone seems perfect, it’s a wonderful thing, but it’s amazing that you’re able to get to a place where you know that he’s not necessarily perfect for you. I understand his hurt, you’re one in a million.
I hope he does come around to being friends, but it is very difficult to do that when emotions run so deep. And I get that this is hurting you because you do love him.
The best to all of you, Maria.
Maria, I trust you. I trust that YOU know what is the best! I’m sad, though.
I hope that you’re able to find someone that you click with and don’t have to pretend. You deserve it, because you’re an awesome person.
Well that sucks. :(
Thinking of you.
i came across cardboardlove from a friend’s blog. i listend to the about’ interview with you two; while i was readin your tumblr and openin other various links. only to stop here like whaaaat its over? sorry to hear bout how it didn;t work..but what can you really do. when it comes down to it, we all have to be true with our feelings.
i like how i found all of this by accident, mere blog surfing. i lovelovelove all of your work. whether it be what you find, who you think is hot, and your photography. you definitely have an eye for these things.
keep it up luv.
oh gosh. i came across ur site from cardboardlove like meng. i thought that site was never gonna end and it’s such a shame.. but yes, i know how it is cos i’ve been through sth like this. i’m sure he’ll be over it soon.. (:
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