I’m seeing a lot of bullshit on the internet right now about BlogHer and the conference this weekend. Calling the attendees followers, wannabes, ass kissers, elitists, clique-sters, bitches: you name it, I seem to have read it in the past few days.
I have very little to say except STFU. It was awesome, the people were awesome, the experience was awesome. I plan on making a yearly trek there. Every single person I encountered was super friendly and wonderfully accepting.
If you didn’t go, you really don’t know what it’s about and you have no business knocking it. If you went and didn’t have fun, then that’s your own fault. Try harder next time. If there was drama, so what? It didn’t overshadow and shouldn’t supersede the rest of it.
This is not my BlogHer ’08/San Francisco recap. I’m waiting on Jillian, who was one of my roommates and let me borrow a digital camera to document the weekend, to email me the dozens of photos that I took. When she does that then I’ll bore you to death with all the details. I just felt like I had to say what I’m saying because the crap I’ve been reading has been annoying me to my core.
Don’t knock it till you try it. Stop hatin’. And I’m soooo wondering how many of these nay-sayers would have jumped on the opportunity to speak or attend for minimal cost. I’m guessing like…90%.
My grandparents’ pastor and his wife recently lost a baby. She was 7 months pregnant, went into premature labor and delivered the child. It died in her arms from what I hear.
I was listening to my grandparents discuss how while the mother is stoic, and has never shown even the slightest emotion towards the topic, the pastor frequently breaks into tears over it and discusses the child in sermons. They viewed this as weak, and silly almost.
He’s supposed to be the pillar of strength, and the static face of his wife made him seem overemotional and girly, I guess.
I thought this was extremely harsh. If the tables were turned, and it had been him who’d been dispassionate, they’d be swearing up and down that he should be showing some sort of sentiment regarding the situation, or thinking to themselves that he never wanted the child to begin with.
It must be extremely difficult to be a man. If you don’t show emotion, you’re written off as callous or the average guy. If you do, you’re written off as gay, or a pussy. Why?
Why do we want our men to show that they care, but draw back and cross our fingers if they show too much?
[Happy Independence Day BTW!]
Self acceptance.
My new path.
Not really.
I need to lose 60 pounds to get back to my weight of yesteryear.
My face is starting to get fat.
Not a good look.
I hate my face.
The only thing that used to satiate me when I obsessed over my weight.
It is plump now.
Not. A. Good. Look.
But it is my face.
It is my body.
Accept it until it changes, I must.
Talk like Yoda, I can.
I will still only take shoulder up photos.
There will be no evidence of my girth.
But this blog title…
A much larger step than any I’ve ever taken to being ‘ok’ with me.
This is my 99th post, since I deleted the Hiatus post and put up the blocking page. I don’t have anything to say, but I updated my Prologue and Exegesis pages if you’re interested.
That is all.
Friday evening I received an email from Elisa Camahort Page, one of the co-founders of BlogHer entitled ‘BlogHer ’08 Speaking Opportunity‘. In it she invited me to be on the panel; “MommyBlogging: Is MommyBlogging Still a Radical Act?” She wanted me to speak. On a panel. At BlogHer. Me. In front of people. Like, a lot of people. Me. ‘The fuck?
I wasn’t sure if this was a big thing, or if it was common; if these panels were like the size of American Idol auditions or just a select few. So I asked The Bloggess. I twittered about it. I talked to Sarcastic Mom. I IM’d until 1am with VDog. They were all like “Fuck yes woman! It’s big! You have to go!“
So I freaked. I flipped the fuck out. I got all excited and then realized “Umm…you are WAY too poor to go. And there’s no way in hell J. [who despises the fact that you blog anyway] is going to be okay with you flying across the country for something blog related, leaving him and the children behind.” But I continued to get excited.
I wanted so badly to ask Elisa “Why me? Immoral Matriarch has only existed since January. I don’t even have 100 posts yet. My reading community is not very large and I lost half of my subscribers when I moved feeds. I don’t even really know what the hell BlogHer IS! Why me?!?” But then I was afraid that if I asked her she’d think “Yeah… why HER?” and retract her invite, so I just wrote back “Hellz yeah boi!” [but in a much more professional manner.] And she sent me back that she looked forward to working with me. *giggles*
This is so unreal to me. I honestly cannot believe that lil’ ol’ me was even considered for such a prestigious gig. That my little piece of the blogosphere, out of the millions of mommy and written-by-women’s blogs was able to travel through the pipelines and make such an impression that someone would think I was worth talking to, or listening to. I am humbled [well, not really, my head is so fucking swollen I'm surprised I was able to get out of bed], and taken aback and sincerely appreciative of the opportunity.
Yet the problem is: I’m poor and the odds of this happening are slim to none unless I gather up some cash, quickly. I considered going back to stripping but I’m about 60 pounds past that option so that’s a no-go. Next best thing? Whoring to you all! Those of you who are going – most of you are mommy bloggers – don’t you want to meet me? Don’t you want to hear me ramble on incessantly about nothing and everything in person? Yes? Good! Donate, via that little button on the top of the side bar.
Those of you who aren’t going – don’t you want me to pull a Holly and print out your faces, put them on popsicle sticks and take random photos of you at the conference, then send them to you later so you can tell everyone you were there? Or don’t you just want to make me really, really happy? Like give me the best weekend of my life? Or don’t you want to live vicariously through me, and via the dozens of photos I’ll be uploading to Flickr? I know you do, because you love me. Or at least tolerate me a bit. C’mon, donate, via that little button at the top of the side bar.
BlogHer is willing to reimburse me up to $800 afterwards for travel and cover the conference completely.
My expenses, as I’ve estimated are:
Roundtrip Air Fare – $450
2 Night stay @ the Westin – $460
Food/Liquor/Taxi/Souvenirs – $500? [I have a layover each flight, I'm sure I'll eat myself sick both times/I have never flown, and I'm sure that my distaste for alcohol will be outweighed by my newly discovered phobia of flying/ I have to get stuff for the girls, right?]
$1500 is a pretty accurate number, I’d guess. Probably too conservative with all these new charges from the airlines. After BlogHer’s reimbursement, that’s around $600. Still a decent amount of cash. A month’s worth of friggin’ groceries and shit. Some I’m sure I can weasel out of the husband [as much as he really does hate my blogging, he seems to be feigning a decent amount of interest in this, to the point where it's almost believable that he's happy/excited for me!] since I’ll be able to get some of it back. But I don’t think all the up front cash is feasible for us.
As badly as I want to put this:
on my page, I know that it’s way too soon to. But you guys…you can help me make it happen. So whaddaya say? Help a sista out?
Believe me, even if you can’t – I still love you. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Not in this universe anyway. And being as I lost my super sonic portal hopping spaceship, I can’t get to that universe anymore. I’m also pretty sure that I was the only person with one of those babies, or knowledge of the alternate universe in the first place so cash is probably as hard for you to hold onto nowadays as it is us. And that’s fine. *cough*Gimmie 50¢*cough*
:p
