How romantic would it be to call myself a writer? It seems so much more supple an answer than ‘a mom’ or ‘a student’ or ‘a freeloading wise ass’. ‘Oh, I’m a writer’, said nonchalantly even though my insides would be fluttering about wildly as the words left my lips.
I’m a very pessimistic person, and I don’t think that my writing is that good. Sometimes, I write something that I’m proud of here on this blog, and someone says I’m a great writer in the comments and my heart swells, but then I read another blog, an entry that to me is not very good, and the people in the comments are fawning over how wonderful of a writer that person is and it knocks me back down into reality. The reality that I’m mediocre at best, because sometimes, when it’s evident that you’re attempting to write well, people somehow feel obligated to tell you that you did. So, I take hearing it with a grain of salt.
But sometimes, I believe it. Like when Maggie tells me. Oh, my, how I love my Maggie. To me, there is not another blogger in existence that writes like she does. She has the most amazing talent that I have ever seen here in this grand ol’ blogosphere and she awes me. I’ve actually cried reading her posts before, and it wasn’t because it was a sad one – it was because it was so, so very excellent. I felt privileged to have read it. My heart broke when she quit, and leaped when she changed her mind and returned.
Maggie told me that I should stop blogging my Dance, Dance posts and start writing them. Drafting a book proposal. I argued with her, but she told me she believed in me. She believed it was marketable, and she believed in my talent. I told her, truthfully, that if she had been any one else to suggest it, that I would have waved off the notion completely. But because it was her, I considered it. I told her that if I was to ever be lucky enough to get a book deal that I’d dedicate the book to her. I’ve been considering her suggestion for a few days now, wavering between yes and no.
Today, while watching an old episode of The L Word, I decided on yes. It was a scene where Jenny opens her mail and receives a manuscript rejection letter from a publisher. She then turns around and tacks it up on the wall, and as the camera zooms out, you see that it’s one of dozens.
I realized that half of my battle with myself was not with believing in myself, but it was with dealing with the fact that others wouldn’t believe in me. My fear of rejection, my hatred of the word ‘no’. I realized that if I didn’t jump that hurdle, I’d never go anywhere but into a deep hole of regret and self loathing for never attempting it. I realized that the person I’ve grown to respect and admire most as a writer since I started blogging over 5 years ago was behind me, and that I could do it. So I will. Can’t hurt to try.
There will be no more ‘Dance, Dance’ posts published here. Not for a while anyway. I’m going to compile my stories and shop around my idea and hopefully one day, you’ll see it in print. This actually works out better. When blogging, I try to remain conscious of how long each post is, writing and then editing out the unimportant details as best I can. If each story is a chapter in a book, I don’t have to delete details and happenings like I do here, and I can really share my experience. It’ll be an uphill battle, but hey: life is.
Just in case I don’t get a book – I wanted to dedicate something to you. And this post is that.
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Awesome… Really, really awesome. You can do this. I know you can.
Oh, so excited for you! And for me, because I will buy that sumbitch the second it hits the shelves, then mail it to you to demand an autograph and personalized message. Thanks Maria and Maggie!
The latest from Captain Steve…An Open Letter To Jo March
Good luck with the book…I definitely think you should go for it. I love and will miss Dance Dance Dance posts…man that shit is GREAT.
I’ll buy that book!
The latest from Erika Jurney…I’ve been out of the loop for a couple of decades — is there a PC term for these yet?
Making this decision is the first step. You are a writer girl and you know it, even if it is just a teeny whisper – you know it. I am glad you have decided to claim it and write that book. I look forward to reading it.
The latest from Renee aka MekhisMom…Friends – Bloggers and Real Life
Just try and remember that it only matters a LITTLE bit what other people think (I won’t say it doesn’t matter at all, because we all know that’s a heap of a big lie) but it matters a LOT of what YOU think.
Be happy with what you write. It’s honest and it’s you. That’s all any of us can do.
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OHMommy said exactly what I was going to say. I CAN NOT WAIT to read your book WHEN it gets published.
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Anyone who writes and does it becuase they love it is a writer-even if it sucks. Which you don’t. So good luck. :)
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Yay! I’m so excited for you! I think it is a wise decision. If you didn’t do it you would always wonder.
Good luck!!!! :)
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It’s only my second visit, but I think you are a very good writer. You have what it takes in that it feels like I’m listening to you speak as I read your posts, if that makes sense. You should really try writing your book, and even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you won’t have to worry about the “what-ifs” later on.
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Most inspiring thing I’ve read all day.
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i’ll take an autographed copy please.
thanks.
The latest from the planet of janet…Fun Monday: the where I blog edition
I wish you good luck and frankly, remember that a lot of the publishing world is about luck (after skill)! So don’t get down on yourself too quickly.
The latest from Mandy…You Know You Should Call It a Day When…
No offense to your other readers, but my opinion matters more than most, on this particular topic. I know that I frequently give off the vibe that mine matters more than most, but this time I really mean it!!….and I’ll tell you why:
my mother…lol. well you know my mother…complicated Ms. Bethie can’t balance her checkbook but was an avid reader and expected the same of us. She taught me to appreciate good writing, an honest opinion, and fine black men. (I’m kidding about the honest opinion part)
My sister is a published writer.
My best friend is an *as of yet* unpublished writer.
and I’m a former third grader who read psychology books and memoirs cover to cover in single sittings instead of playing hopscotch with my peers.
the phenomenon that you are concerning yourself with (people giving props to poorly written work) is from people who are not connoisseurs of the written word. What they are commenting on is the fact that they like the PERSON. Not that the person excels at writing.
The latest from illegitimateAngel…"You never had game, you were just a slut"
If Maggie says it, then dammit, believe it!
What makes you good is that your voice is your own and you don’t cop to trying to fiddle with other people’s voices…trying them on for size, seeing if your ass looks big, and wondering whether the bad UV lighting is doing anything for you.
You are everything you want to be!
Jupiter is correct…you want to be, so therefore you are.
Well, I tried to make it sound all philosophical and stuff, but you know what I mean! ;)
Do you want me to be totally honest? Cuz I will.
I think many of your commentators (??) are over-the-top sweet and ego-stroking. But I do NOT think they are giving you lip service, because I think you are a talented and honest writer… and that is a winning combination.
And if they ARE giving you lip service, I think it’s because they are scared of you. ;)
HA!
SO, in conclusion, listen to your “public,” and accept their accolades. But stay grounded and know that as amazing a writer and storyteller you are, there is always room to improve. Sometimes not much, but room nonetheless. ;)
The latest from Kristie…What?
Oh, and I forgot to mention… HELL YEAH. Write that book. This is a huge decision. I’m proud of you!
The latest from Kristie…What?
September 3, 2008 at 1:30 am
I;m stomping my foot like a pissed off toddler but I will respect your decision cuz it means that you’ll be WRITING. Dammit.
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M, I am so excited for you… and thank goodness you and Maggie found each other.
I am totally addicted to you both.
This will be awesome!!
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Well, I know it’s not the same coming from me (i.e., not Maggie), but I think you’re an awesome writer, and I would SO buy the book. Even at full price!
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Go you! I think it’s definitely marketable. I’d buy it.
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I will soo be all over that book when you publish it.. and it will get published because you are that good..
The latest from Kim…Slowing Life Down
i don’t want to sound insincere coming after all the comments above, but I really do love your writing and I think you have an amazing story to tell and a great voice with with to tell it. you go, girl. good luck!
The latest from merlotmom…Japanese Tease
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The only way you could fail, is by not giving it a shot. You don’t want to look back years down the road and say ‘Would of, could of, should of.”
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WOOT!!!!!!! :)
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