With Sandra Bullock adopting Louis, the age old “white people shouldn’t be able to adopt black children” debate has popped back up. Why it’s even a debate, I don’t know. It’s such bullshit. It’s complained about, and used as an example of the underlying racism in our society that black children in the foster care system are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to adopting. But let a white person adopt one of those bottom of the barrel-bottom black kids and people are all in a tizzy over how that black child isn’t going to learn how to deal with being called a slur or not being able to hail a cab in NYC. I just…what the fuck? Is it really so pressing of an issue that you’d rather a kid stay in the system, pretty likely unloved and unwanted until they are of age? You think the odds for a rich, fulfilled, happy and productive adult life are better? Really?
I just find it silly. More silly even than the argument against letting gays adopt, which is pretty friggin’ silly. And if we’re all supposed to be raising our children with a good grasp of our culture and ethnicity, my black grandparents failed me, and I’m failing my part Mexican children, and their white father is failing them too. Just, silly. I don’t know how the hell to prepare my child for being called a nigger or a spic or just plain ugly. I’m winging it. Like many good parents do, in many situations. I refuse to believe that mixing up races is going to create a whole new breed of black folk that don’t know what it means to be black folk. They’ll learn – trust me. Society will remind them, as long as we have gems like Rush Limbaugh in the world.
My only concern about Sandra Bullock’s adoption of this child is the fact that it was supposed to be done with her ex, Jesse James, whose mistress is supposedly a white supremacist. My common sense is telling me that non-white supremacists don’t screw white supremacists. I’m wondering just how far that trail of breadcrumbs leads, and if it goes back to Sandra. That would suck. For the baby.
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I’ve been thinking and I’m afraid that I might be a helicopter mom. We live in the country; very small town; lots of land. 3 acres, hundreds of feet from the main road and surrounded by woods on three sides. I let my daughters play outside in the backyard where I could see them from the bay window in the kitchen while I made dinner for the first time ever last week. Every time they get a scratch or a bruise (which is rare) I know exactly where it came from and if I don’t I panic a little. I don’t know. I’m big on letting them pick themselves up and not allowing a bunch of crying and whining and self pitying, but still… I think I may try to protect them from too much.
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It’s going to be one hell of a summer this year. It was 97 degrees the other day, in April. Humidity was 70% and it wasn’t raining. God only knows what June, July, and August are going to feel like around here. I hate North Carolina. I hope the fleas and mosquitoes are under control this year.
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I missed two tests in Sociology. There are only five. Extenuating circumstances (READ: procrastination biting me in my fat ass) I’ve completed all of my assignments and everything, but I’m afraid I’m going to get a low B in the class. Which means that I won’t have a 4.0 GPA anymore, after this semester. Which is depressing. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to major in. There’s no money or work in English degrees, I suck at Math, and I’m not interested in going past a Master’s. I also get bored extremely easily, don’t like regular work schedules, or bossing other people around, and want to be able to wear jeans and sneakers every day. For good money. So what do I do?
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I’m determined to get through the entire Vertigo & Dark Horse imprints before I start reading any new comics, or attempting to catch up with my favorite superheroes from DC and Marvel. I read the first arc and 1/2 of the second arc of The Umbrella Academy, and all I really want to say is STICK TO MUSIC GERARD WAY. Pure suckage. I started on American Virgin (Vertigo), got to #11 and quit that too. How long does it take you to form a story and develop the characters to a point where the reader starts caring about them, dickheads? Seriously.
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Okay, that’s all. Here’s a photo for you, if you made it all the way through this post. It’s my very favorite of those that I took last week at the strawberry patch:
*Alternate Title: María may be suffering from early-onset schizophrenia. The rigid stupors haven’t started yet, but the disconnected thought is totally there.
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Listening to: Coldplay – Death And All His Friends
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
Damn straight we’re all winging it- even the people who research and think they know exactly how they will and won’t raise their kids, blah, blah are winging it. And screwing up, in some form or another. I try my hardest to be a good mom, but I know I’m screwing her up in SOME way – it’s damned impossible NOT to. Now I have to worry about not teaching her more about her mutt heritage? Whatever. I’d rather be vigilant about strangers and all that shit, first.
I have a slight opportunity of going to the Outer Banks in June, but it’s very unlikely to happen. However, if it does, git your ass on down to see me!!
What did you want to do/ be as a kid? What made you happy then? I think that usually helps us figure out what we should do when we’re older. I should’ve been an architect- even as a kid I LOVED houses and was obsessed with how they were set up. Too bad I never put the two together years ago!
May 13, 2010 at 8:15 am
OMG YES I WILL. It’s not too far from me, we’d HAVE to make it happen!
When I was a kid I wanted to be a paleontologist. Not really an option, now. Haha.
My daughter is majoring in Sociology in college and plans to use that as a basis for a career in Arbitration/Mediation. As pragmatic and logical as you are, you would probably do very well in that field too.
Tara R.´s last blog ..Who do you trust?
May 13, 2010 at 8:17 am
Ugh I hated Sociology this semester. Not the subject matter, the instructor. He was distant and lazy. Need to muster up the desire to take another sociology course again, haha.
Sometimes random posts are good for clearing the head, hey?
As for parenting, I’m winging it every day over here.
And as for that photo? LOVE.
Angella´s last blog ..The Kids Are Alright
May 13, 2010 at 8:18 am
They are! I used to do them all the time, but I stopped. I think I’m going to start them back up. And thank you! :)
Any parent who claims to not wing it, is either lying or failing miserably. You can NOT plan for everything. Winging it is the only way.
Kristin´s last blog ..A Call To Arms
May 13, 2010 at 8:19 am
Agreed, of course.
May 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm
You can’t know how to prepare for that. I wasn’t prepared for it. Hell, I never even thought about it. I’m Spanish, I look white, and, really, I never had a lot of racism around me. I mean, really old people that I knew were racist, but they were…old. You know? Set in their ways and stuff. Everyone just kind of ignored them on that subject. So when I moved to Missouri and got called racial slurs and told to “go back to Mexico” because of my last name, it was a huge, huge shock. But it also shoved me out of my comfortable bubble of ignorance and forced me to see that racism is still a huge issue. If you’re never exposed to the hate in the world in small ways like that, you don’t worry about it, and you don’t think about changing perceptions. I think the only way I can explain it to my girls is that some people, for reasons I will never understand, hate other people for a plethora of different things. And some day, someone will hate them for no real reason either. It’ll hurt when that happens, but the best thing to do is rise above it and not let yourself be poisoned by someone else’s hate. /random tangent
I finally had to suck up the fact that everything I wanted to do that made decent money involved a lot of math. :( I am not looking forward to it. The science parts, the English parts, hell yeah. The math, not so much.
You’re not a helicopter parent, stfu. I’ve dealt with those, they’re awful. And you are not.
Star´s last blog ..Bats are Evil and Depressing Part 2
May 13, 2010 at 8:20 am
This is why we’re friends, Star. You’ve got such a great mind.
I might helicopter a little bit though! Hahah.
One of the posts I want to write is about how no matter how many years of motherhood I have behind me, I still feel like I’m an amateur!
And your line about how you prepare your children for being called slurs said it all.
As for the career, well, here’s what I know: you just never know. How the hell I love being a paralegal in corporate real estate is beyond me! Sometimes, it just comes together.
April´s last blog ..Quick Update
May 13, 2010 at 8:22 am
I don’t have as many years as you do, and I definitely look over to you as inspiration since our situations are similar in some ways. You’re definitely doing it the way I think it should be done!
“There’s no money or work in English degrees, I suck at Math, and I’m not interested in going past a Master’s. I also get bored extremely easily, don’t like regular work schedules, or bossing other people around, and want to be able to wear jeans and sneakers every day. For good money. So what do I do?”
Fuck dude. When you find out, be sure to drop me an email, cuz uh… I’m applying!
May 13, 2010 at 8:23 am
HAhahaaa, I will! I’m asking for the impossible, aren’t I? I know. *sigh*
My aunt has two adopted kids, both black.
She’s trying a heckuva lot harder to ensure that they’re culturally aware and in touch with their roots and ET CETERA than I am with Gabriel. I am pretty much zero on that with Gabriel, cuz I figure he is who he is and he’ll grow up how he grows up and he’ll learn from me and learn from his dad and hopefully turn out to be a good person or whatever. I dunno.
Let’s all teach our kids to love each other and what not and hopefully the next generation will be more tolerant than the last?
I think that babies who need to adopting should be adopted by the people who want to adopt him.
Miss Grace´s last blog ..Personal Blogging Rules
May 13, 2010 at 8:25 am
Agreed.
I am trying to raise them with some cultural awareness because it did cause me issues growing up a mixed child with no sense of self in that way – it would have been much better had my family actively taught me about myself, just for that inner reassurance that I think comes with knowing who you are and where you come from on all sides. They’re a bit young for it now, but I hope to instill it in them as best I can, gradually.
You’re fabulous. And yes, ease up on the whir whir whirring around the children. Heh.
XOXO
VDog´s last blog ..Sex, Lies and SexLies by @mrsflinger
May 13, 2010 at 8:27 am
You can’t tell me what to do!! :P
You know, who cares that Sandra has a black baby. The baby will have a mom who loves him. Cudos to her. He will do just fine in society and if he really needs to learn his culture, shoot, she can by a black Nanny!
Cudos to you on the school thing. I know it’s difficult but I commend you on doing it. I’m afraid that I’d spend way too much time procrastinating to even hold a c average!
Kay @ Mommy Fabulous´s last blog ..I rode a HORSE!
May 13, 2010 at 8:29 am
LOL @ buy a black nanny. I’m sure she’ll do a good job raising that boy. She seems like a sweet lady.
May 5, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Ethnicity shouldn’t have anything to do with raising a child. The fact that this is even being debated gives me a headache.
You should read The Walking Dead. It’s an all black and white zombie comic series. Mike — my boyfriend — and his brother have been reading it. I’m supposed to get it next. They’ve both been raving about it, saying how awesome it is. I can’t wait, because I’m sure my readers from http://freakingbookworm.com are getting tired of me reviewing Batman graphic novels. Heh.
Elizabeth Kaylene´s last blog ..Who’s mental?
May 13, 2010 at 8:30 am
The Walking Dead, Invincible, and Fables: currently running faves!
May 6, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more about the furor over transracial adoption. I’ve seen so much of it this past week, and it always makes me scratch my head. Okay, honestly, it does more than that. It makes me irate. Having adopted an AA child from fostercare and a child from Haiti, I know some things to be true. 1) they were getting NO kind of cultural experience in the institution they came from 2) without a loving home, ethnic identity is kind of a moot point, and 3) most adoptive parents work pretty hard at trying to make up for it. All that to say, this was refreshing to read.
Kristen´s last blog ..haiti tees
May 13, 2010 at 8:36 am
I find you and your husband and your entire family absolutely enchanting. I think you’re an inspiration and what you’ve done for those boys is admirable. Really. It has nothing to do with race, it has to do with the selflessness and strength it exemplifies. Anyone who tries to disparage your actions in any way, especially in such a ridiculous way as I talked about above, can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned.
May 6, 2010 at 11:29 pm
let a child be loved and cared for. seriously. wtf people? i agree, we’re all totally winging it. but then, if there was a manual, i probably wouldn’t get around to reading it anyway.
love the picture and bummer about the 4.0.
:-)
mommynamedapril´s last blog ..Size Three Diapers. Which is the Same Size Both His Brothers Wore on the Day He Was Born.
May 13, 2010 at 8:37 am
I wouldn’t read it either, haha! When I was pregnant with my first I read so many pregnancy books, but never got around to picking up one child book. I know nothing of Dr. Sears and my kids are totally alright, so far. :)
May 6, 2010 at 11:59 pm
Lady, if there were a career that you’d suit perfectly, it would be as some sort of facilitator. As in, a mediator, an advocate. You have SUCH opinion, and such sense of fairness for everyone, and the ability to remain steadfast in your opinions of human rights, sometimes despite being argued to death with. And you can’t run over a damn squirrel. I can see you doing something that involved helping out the little guy, to get his voice heard, whether that’s on a judicial or say, social services, or even employment-related basis, y’know? I don’t think it pays much, and it’s hard on the soul. But you can probably wear jeans and it would give you some major good feelings, when things went as they were supposed to.
Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On little boxes made of ticky tacky
May 13, 2010 at 8:39 am
Stop exposing how much of a softie I am, Terra. I don’t appreciate it!!
I would think that being raised by a mother who is so publicly known would be more of a concern than being raised by a mother who is of a different background. Also, how can we tell our kids that it doesn’t matter what someone looks like or where they’re from if it doesn’t extend to every facet of society?
I didn’t realize that interracial adoption was STILL an issue to discuss!
tracey´s last blog ..More Evanisms…
May 13, 2010 at 8:40 am
Agreed on all counts – and it really shouldn’t be an issue anymore, in my opinion!
If YOU’RE a helicopter mom, I don’t even want to KNOW what that makes me, other than completely neurotic and over-protective. And I’m winging it Ever. Single. Day of my parenting life. Anyone who says they’re not is lying.
Bejewell´s last blog ..Mother’s Day is Bullshit Until You’re a Mother and Then It’s AWESOME
May 13, 2010 at 8:43 am
LOL, maybe I’m not one. But your Bean is still teeny, you have reason!
I’m super relieved that you helicopter parent, even a little. I feel like such an ASS for being that way (though my kids are still pretty little) and I feel like the overall notion is that overprotective moms are idiots and BLAH. I dunno. I don’t know where that balance is. And I feel weird sisterhood-y happiness that you keep a close eye on them.
And thank you for lending your voice/perspective to this adoption stuff. I hope that trail doesn’t lead anywhere near Sandra.
Maria´s last blog ..just grandpa and me
May 13, 2010 at 8:48 am
Yay sisterhood-y-ness! I dunno, I’m trying to find the balance too. I read some of the freerangekids.com blog and it makes sense, but I can’t put much of it into practice. Not yet, I tell myself. In the future I will, I say.
May 11, 2010 at 6:19 pm
When I get out out of college we plan on adopting an AA little girl. I have enlisted friends to help us teach her about her ethnic roots. I want to adopt an AA child because I don’t think it’s right that an AA child has a greater chance of aging out of foster care because of their skin color. A person is a person is a person. In my eyes skin color is no different than eye or hair color.
May 13, 2010 at 8:53 am
I think that’s admirable, Jen. It sucks that they age out at such a higher rate, and I think it’s awesome that you’re willing to make sure it doesn’t happen to at least one child.
This is my first visit to your blog, having seen you on momversation. I bloody well loved your point. How about this? My sister and her wife (yep, wife y’all. We live in BC where it’s all legal and actually spoken outloud!) adopted 2 black kids from Philadelphia.
The kids are now 12 and 9 and while one does play hockey (obligatory here :) the other is in an African dance troupe. No small feat for Vancouver where people of African descent number in the single digits.
My sister and her wife work super hard to make sure that these kids understand that they have a special heritage, rich in culture and history.
They even got a school, within city limits, where you’re not allowed to use the work Christmas for Christ’s sake, to do a Kwanzaa celebration!
So for those peeps that have a problem with either gays adopting or whites adopting black kids, give your head a shake. Love doesn’t see colour or sexual preference.
Keep up the great work! Great blog.
May 13, 2010 at 8:54 am
That’s IT goddamnitt – I am MOVING TO CANADA. That is so awesome!
May 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Interesting question. I too have never understood the debate. But then again, I guess that is probably more about the way I (and perhaps you) look at the world.
And as an aside, I love the berry photo!
Molly´s last blog ..I am who I am (or am I?)
May 13, 2010 at 8:56 am
I think you’re right. It’s our (awesome and enlightened) perspectives. :)
And thank you!
Did you see that photo you posted? You should probably be a photographer. :)
May 24, 2010 at 12:13 pm
i had a friend in college say that if everyone had babies across racial lines someday it wouldn’t matter what color anyone was. if only it could be so easy. people would probably compare fucking fractions of their heritage.
i hated school, so i don’t know what to tell you about that, but i’ll bet that you’ll find exactly the right thing for you.
mommymae´s last blog ..blogger’s quilt festival 3
Hey, I’ll miss you in NYC this summer…hope the other trip is wonderful.
You closed comments, so I’m defying you but coming down here to comment.
I see your photography is still awesome. Good to catch up on your blog, been away too long.